Hail to the Shitheads

I'm an avid fan of Coke Zero. I don't drink it often, but when I have to choose among different carbonated beverages, I always go for a can of Coke Zero. The taste is better than Diet Coke, and the design on the can appeals to me. Like it's not too feminine to be drinking Coke Zero because the can is black or something. You know, like when men buy Axe shower gel instead of Nivea because Axe's designs are sharper, more masculine and dominated by the colour black. It's still soap, but one that people buy to reaffirm their masculinity.

Today whilst I was surfing the net and drinking a can of chilled Coke Zero, I got myself wondering if it is indeed better than normal Coke. So I typed in "Normal Coke vs. Diet Coke?" on Google search. I was redirected to this forum full of holier-than-thou shitheads, all high and mighty, claiming they would choose neither and stick to plain, purified water because it's good for your health. They also generously tossed in great tips on how to lead a healthy, wonderful life without having to resort to evil stuff like carbonated drinks.

Listen, shitheads. When I asked "Normal Coke vs. Diet Coke?", I was specifically asking about comparisons between those two drinks, and those two drinks only. Imagine a world where only normal Coke and Diet Coke exist, I want to know which one you would choose. Of course water is better. I know that. My neighbour's dog knows that. Duh. It's such a simple question with a more than probable objective answer. Why do you need to add water as an unwanted third option and try to convince the world of your superiority only because you "would not drink sugary fizzy drinks if my life depended on it"?

If you don't have any thoughts on normal Coke vs. Diet coke, kindly refrain from giving retarded comments about other healthier options. Nobody cares.

If one day these people were to ask questions about which car insurance is better for them, I would be happy to answer "Don't use a car. Jog to your workplace every day. It's better for your health."

And just ride away on my high horse, chin up, all high and mighty, like I just gave them the sickest piece of advice that would change their lives forever.