It's good to be a Malay man

It's good to be a Malay guy. No, really.

I still remember during any festivities back home, the guys could leisurely watch TV or take a nap while all the females of the house were cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, ironing clothes for their husbands, brothers and children, and no one was complaining because it was the norm. Women are just expected to do house chores.

When a Malay guy smokes, no one says a thing. When a Malay girl smokes, everybody will start questioning her morals, her upbringing, her way of life, even her faith.

A Malay husband can actually play God and threaten his wife, "You'll never see heaven if you don't do what I ask."

An unhappy Malay wife, if forced into housewivery by her husband, has practically no way out if one day her husband chooses to turn his back on her and neglect his duties. She can't leave him, because she has no job and no savings. What does she do? Fake it. Fake it all the way till death, while the husband can pretty much go around gallivanting and philandering without the slightest care in the world.

Even if a divorce takes place, guess who people will put the blame on? The Malay wife. She doesn't cook well. She doesn't take care of her body. She nags a lot. She looks too old for her age. And of course, the Malay husband can find another 20-year-old wife just like that (*cough* Salleh Yaakob *cough*) while it's slim pickings for the ex-wife to find another financially and emotionally stable husband.

A Malay mother is expected to raise a child single-handedly, because the father is supposed to work and bring the bread. So what happens when a child turns out bad? People will blame the mother.

A Malay husband who just got back from the office can say, "I'm tired, I'll do this later," and just go take a long nap in an air-conditioned room. A Malay wife, even after a long day at work, has no excuse whatsoever. She still has to deal with the pots and the pans and the laundry and the kids after work. Husbands helping in the kitchen? Almost unheard of. How can you expect the guys to help with cooking when they aren't even capable of washing the one plate and one glass they use after dinner? For a Malay guy, there's no use buying an automatic dishwasher because he can just put his dirty plate in the sink and it will miraculously clean itself.

And now Malay guys will have another reason to rejoice: our wives are now encouraged to take classes on "How To Be Better In Bed Than High-Class Hookers." You know, because when things go awry in a marriage, it's almost always because of the sex. And if the sex is bad, it's almost always because of the wife. Which means, in order to keep a Malay husband from sticking his penis into a hooker's vagina, a Malay wife has to be a hooker herself. You know what they say, if you can't beat them, join them. Isn't it funny how Malay women have to bend over backwards (very literally, in this case haha) to accommodate their husbands. It's like women are supposed to control their husbands' penile blood flow. And if one day Malay men are all inclined to have sex with cats, there will be classes for Malay wives entitled "How To Have Sex Like Cats".

You might ask, why don't we just create a "How To Stay Loyal To Your Spouse" class for the men? Haha, what a silly question! You know how thick the Malay male skull is. It's way easier to manipulate Malay wives than the Malay husbands, because since a very young age, Malay girls have been taught that the only way they can go to heaven is if they obey their husbands. Thus, Malay husbands can do no wrong! It's always, always the woman's fault. Accept it. Your heaven is on our feet remember?



It's good to be a Malay man. Really, it is.