Copy pasted from a comment on Reddit:
This might be the most depressing thing I have ever read.
I've been with my wife since 1983.
Here's the ugly truth. What young people think of as romantic love has nothing to do with marriage. That is lust and infatuation. Marriage is about family. The way you stick by your parents and your siblings and grandparents. Your husband or wife becomes your FAMILY.
You stick by them when you hate them, when you love them, when you are angry at them, and when you are thrilled with them.
Why?
Because over the long decades, people change. Dramatically. She will lose interest in all of the things you thought brought you together. You both like hiking? That's nice. In ten years one of you will hate hiking. You won't have any artificial structures that helped create your relationship and bring you together.
You will have to do that all by yourselves. And how do you do that?
By not depending on romantic love to get you through. Not expecting to be "happy." Instead, do your job, do your best by them, and stick by them like you do your other family.
It's going to be a bad time, folks. And a great time. It's going to be all kinds of times.
Don't pussy out because you are disappointed that marriage wasn't fun. It's not fun. It's family.
This might be the most depressing thing I have ever read.
4 comments:
Somehow I don't think people will change as much, not in the way he said. Maybe some interests will wane, and it's true you can't expect romantic love and bliss 100% of the time. I think the guy's got a point, in that you shouldn't throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble. That you have an obligation to family. But he makes it sound too pessimistic... there's got to be a better way of putting it.
Despite the negativity of the statement; I have to say, he has some points which are true, such as :
"Because over the long decades, people change."
(But dramatically is too exaggerating I think)
"Marriage is about family. The way you stick by your parents and your siblings and grandparents. Your husband or wife becomes your FAMILY."
***
Apart from that, most of it are negative thinking to me.
I am about to get married in a few months. And I believe, yes, marriage is not just about lust and sexual intimacy (as many people would put it).
Marriage is about sharing, about responsibilities, about completing each other.
If someone thinks the marriage is solely sticking to the spouse - qoute - You stick by them when you hate them, when you love them, when you are angry at them, and when you are thrilled with them.
the goal of marriage is not achieved.
One of the marriage goals (as said by the Ustaz in my pre-marriage course) is sakinah. ketenangan. Peace. Our spouse will make us at ease. Serene. So, if you don't have that, then, you have not achieve the goal of marriage.
And marriage will fill you with responsibilities. Needing to care for other person, feed them, care for the children - that's a lot of responsibilities, but thinking all of it as a job? That is unbelievable.
I rest my case by saying;
The perception of truth for everyone is different.
The man says this is the ugly truth; but it may be only his perceived truth.
This guy has been married for 30 years and counting. While I don't wish for this to be true for everyone, I still won't simply discard his opinion because he surely knows what he's talking about.
There must be a reason why everyone seems eager to get hitched, though. So there must be more to it than what he said.
Or at least I hope so.
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