Actus Dei

"You're a sinner!"
Boomed a voice, out of nowhere
The night clouds fled away in fear
The earth seemed to tremble
Or was it he?

"A shame that the night is not as dark as your soul!"
The voice struck again
God is that you?
Please do whisper, I beg of you
In the street, one ought to be discreet

I'm not afraid of you
If this is what I am supposed to believe in
Then let me be a sinner
I would rather die unfaithful
Than live in your poorly scripted tragedy

"Liar.
You cringe when you hear my name
You flinch at the thought of seeing me, eventually.
Because you believe,
and you know I'm real."

This is torture
Worse than being in limbo
Tell me God, where do we go from here?
So I cried a sinner's tears
To get closer to purgatory

Akan kupintal buih-buih
menjadi tali mengikatmu

Akan kuanyam gelombang-gelombang
menjadi hamparan ranjang tidurmu

Akan kutenun awan-gemawan
menjadi selendang menudungi rambutmu

Akan kujahit bayu gunung
menjadi baju pakaian malammu

Akan kupetik bintang timur
menjadi kerongsang menyinari dadamu

Akan kujolok bulan gerhana
menjadi lampu menyuluhi rindu

Akan kurebahkan matari
menjadi laut malammu
menghirup sakar madumu

Kekasih,
hitunglah mimpi
yang membunuh realiti
dengan syurga ilusi.

- USMAN AWANG

Don't

I live in a part of France where it rains a lot. It's even raining right now, as I'm typing. And it's been raining intermittently for the whole week, usually at night and early mornings. And it'll start again in the afternoon, or early evening.

I love watching the rain fall. It changes the surroundings. When it rains, I love looking at things around me. Light hits them in a beautifully weird way, reminding me of old Dutch paintings. There's melancholy in the air. It's like time stops going by.

So it irks me out when my friends complain about the rain. Come on. You've been here for at least two years, why should the rain still be such a pain to you? It's water. If you want to go out, bring your freaking umbrella and just go. Don't complain. What's the worst that could happen anyway? You could - gasp - get wet?

I happen to find it beautiful, and I could watch it all day long.

Hawt in Herrr

Swine flu is an awesome thing, since a lot of unis are shut down temporarily thus a lot of my friends are available 'round the clock. The only problem is that I can't fucking drive, so I have to rely on public transportation or my sister. If all else fails, my friends would have to come fetch me at home. I'd have to fork out the fuel dough, of course, but that's still better than sitting idle at home pigging out on endless supply of munchies. Not being able to drive also makes it harder for me to go to the nearest gym, so if I gain a zillion pounds within a month, my driving skills (or lack thereof) is definitely to blame.

On the other hand, having been globetrotting for a whole month before finally returning to my Heimat, I make it a point to spend as much time with my family as I can, and less time with friends. Not being able to drive, hence, is a blessing in disguise in this regard. Sometimes it gets boring to just laze around the house and be catered for in every aspect, as awesome as that may sound. But in a way, it keeps me grounded.

Cover your ears I'm about to scream profanities for one whole minute.

......................


Wow that helped.

I would jump out my window right this moment, if I lived on the thirtieth floor of a Hong Kong skyscraper. Alas, I live on the ground floor and the worst thing that would happen to me if I jumped out is a slightly soiled pair of pants.

Tomorrow is the big day. Yes, very big. First orgy experience kind of big, or even bigger (yeah, what's bigger than an orgy?)

I have THIS many chapters to digest and I'm only halfway done. I don't think I have enough time. Either my time management sucks, or there just isn't enough time in a day. I'm leaning towards the latter, because I've always thought we should have 26 hours in a day.

Too many things to read, and I'm blogging. Way to not shit in the exam hall, I say.

Some of my friends raved about Kenny Sia's blog, saying it was witty and interesting. And funny as hell.

So yesterday I decided to give his blog a quick visit, just to see what the fuss was all about.

After reading the first 5 postings, all I could say was "how lame is this guy?" He always tries too hard to crack jokes. With strings of photos leading up to the punchlines, and supposedly funny twists on everyday things he sees. Of course, humour comes in all shapes and forms and degrees of lameness, and apparently his humour strikes a chord with A LOT of Malaysians, which got me thinking "are we really this lame?"

Jealousy has nothing to do with why I decided to blog about it. Okay maybe a little. But my jealousy is not baseless and unfounded. I used to like reading Xiaxue's blog (I don't anymore) because she was very witty and funny and smart at the same time. So it didn't bother me that she became rich just by blogging, since she deserved it. But Kenny Sia is uhm, how to put this politely, not in the same league. His writing is kind of infantile, and directed to lame people looking for a cheap laugh.

Maybe it's just me. Or maybe Malaysians really need to upgrade our sense of humour.

Identity. And niche. Two simple words, but with utmost importance in anything we do.

People should come up with something new all the time. That's what makes them original. That's what makes their identity.

If you're unable to do so, fine, do something many have done before. But try to give it your own twist. Don't just carbon copy everything from someone else. Being influenced is one thing, being a downright copycat is another.

And what annoys me the most is when people unabashedly copycat everything others do down to the simplest details. When the resemblance is uncanny, you can't just pass it off as pure coincidence can you?

Because a niche doesn't carve itself. It's a progressive work. It might be slow, but if you know what you're doing and are consistent at it, you'll get there. Someone else's niche, pretty and all carved out, might be easy to slip into. But after a while you know something's off, simply because you didn't do anything to earn it.

This must be the best week of my life. Study wise.

I've had 4 exams up until now. And my marks have been crazy satisfactory. I mean like, really really good.

The problem is, it can only go down from here. I got another 6 subjects next week, all hardcore. We'll see if I can keep the streak. Hope so.