Monday, June 06, 2011

It's good to be a Malay man

It's good to be a Malay guy. No, really.

I still remember during any festivities back home, the guys could leisurely watch TV or take a nap while all the females of the house were cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, ironing clothes for their husbands, brothers and children, and no one was complaining because it was the norm. Women are just expected to do house chores.

When a Malay guy smokes, no one says a thing. When a Malay girl smokes, everybody will start questioning her morals, her upbringing, her way of life, even her faith.

A Malay husband can actually play God and threaten his wife, "You'll never see heaven if you don't do what I ask."

An unhappy Malay wife, if forced into housewivery by her husband, has practically no way out if one day her husband chooses to turn his back on her and neglect his duties. She can't leave him, because she has no job and no savings. What does she do? Fake it. Fake it all the way till death, while the husband can pretty much go around gallivanting and philandering without the slightest care in the world.

Even if a divorce takes place, guess who people will put the blame on? The Malay wife. She doesn't cook well. She doesn't take care of her body. She nags a lot. She looks too old for her age. And of course, the Malay husband can find another 20-year-old wife just like that (*cough* Salleh Yaakob *cough*) while it's slim pickings for the ex-wife to find another financially and emotionally stable husband.

A Malay mother is expected to raise a child single-handedly, because the father is supposed to work and bring the bread. So what happens when a child turns out bad? People will blame the mother.

A Malay husband who just got back from the office can say, "I'm tired, I'll do this later," and just go take a long nap in an air-conditioned room. A Malay wife, even after a long day at work, has no excuse whatsoever. She still has to deal with the pots and the pans and the laundry and the kids after work. Husbands helping in the kitchen? Almost unheard of. How can you expect the guys to help with cooking when they aren't even capable of washing the one plate and one glass they use after dinner? For a Malay guy, there's no use buying an automatic dishwasher because he can just put his dirty plate in the sink and it will miraculously clean itself.

And now Malay guys will have another reason to rejoice: our wives are now encouraged to take classes on "How To Be Better In Bed Than High-Class Hookers." You know, because when things go awry in a marriage, it's almost always because of the sex. And if the sex is bad, it's almost always because of the wife. Which means, in order to keep a Malay husband from sticking his penis into a hooker's vagina, a Malay wife has to be a hooker herself. You know what they say, if you can't beat them, join them. Isn't it funny how Malay women have to bend over backwards (very literally, in this case haha) to accommodate their husbands. It's like women are supposed to control their husbands' penile blood flow. And if one day Malay men are all inclined to have sex with cats, there will be classes for Malay wives entitled "How To Have Sex Like Cats".

You might ask, why don't we just create a "How To Stay Loyal To Your Spouse" class for the men? Haha, what a silly question! You know how thick the Malay male skull is. It's way easier to manipulate Malay wives than the Malay husbands, because since a very young age, Malay girls have been taught that the only way they can go to heaven is if they obey their husbands. Thus, Malay husbands can do no wrong! It's always, always the woman's fault. Accept it. Your heaven is on our feet remember?



It's good to be a Malay man. Really, it is.

19 comments:

una berry said...

things will never change

WP said...

Good one. Now why wasn't I born a Malay man? lol

Nyna Roxford said...

Seriously, if my man comes back home and all he does is watching tv, doesn't know how to wash his own dishes, I'LL DEFINITELY SEND A FLYING WOK/POT/LID/ OR MAYBE EVEN THE BIG CHOPPY KNIFE ON HIS HEAD.

You know why men live shorter than women? It's because the knife is in the kitchen.

cik nani said...

like your entri.

Hana said...

True that. Women are even more powerless without education.

Nur Shuhada said...

Hi there,
Can i share this in my tumblog?
Thanks.

Anonymous said...

assalam.. yes i agreed with all the points. but remember. it is not in our customs that 'Malay girls (actually it should be married lady) have been taught that the only way they can go to heaven is if they obey their husbands'. it is in our holy kitab, the QURAN. ALLAH has given us guidance and of course we have to obey that. thus, MALAY HUSBAND are the one who suppose to clear up their mind and keep reminding themselves about something that they've done that is very contradict from what ALLAH n RASUL has taught us especially in marriage.

Anonymous said...

if u look at it from a positive point of view, its good (what u wrote), its just that
" Malay girls have been taught that the only way they can go to heaven is if they obey their husbands. Thus, Malay husbands can do no wrong! It's always, always the woman's fault. Accept it. Your heaven is on our feet remember... its pretty misleading... maybe you shud read more rather than just playing with ur imagination coming from what u hear n see... there are tradition, religion, and norm that looks like a tradition aka general truth... n if its religion wise, 'A.P.P.L.E" u cant take
'P' n say its APPLE.....

Anonymous said...

I especially hate it when people bring up books, tomes or scripts that they are "supposed to follow".

These people have no brain to think about it for a split second and realize that the teachings they follow makes almost no sense to the general culture of today.

yes, i am talking about you, the guy who posted the response at 12AM.

just because a religion dictates something does not mean you need to follow it blindly. you need to think about it and figure out for yourself on why the religion requires it of you.

When debating about religion or even in general, don't ever quote things like "it's the law" or "it's in the holy kitab" because it makes you seem like a mindless drone who follows orders without thinking. If you can demonstrate solid reasoning, people will respect what you have to say.

This is why I hate my own race. They are mostly made up of this type of people who have no desire to reason against unreasonable norms.

Hell, somebody who's reading this might very well just simply launch personal attacks, calling me "blasphemer, racist etc" rather than attempt to refute me in an intellectual manner. Mark my words.

By the way, my name is Amirul.

Anonymous said...

Let's not condemn all Malay men or any particular race. The lot of Malay men you see during the festivities memang nak kena racun one day.

Men behaving badly do not deserve to be married - best to skip the marriage bit n go straight to those hookers. Win-Win.

Read the comments - hate your own race?Really?

Adila Sahaja said...

isteri wajib taat pada suami sebab suami yang tanggung dosa dia selepas dia bergelar isteri..tp of course la ada limit jugak.

and i also think that there is no need for kelab taat suami.

nice entry :)

Dibiee said...

Nice entry..

Sangat tajam sindiran yang adik catitkan..

Anonymous said...

askm.. zul here...
both husband and wife must partcipate in progress of build a harmony family, and in this case, in Islamic way (since u talk about malay mans)
i do agree with all the above but before any further comments, i would like u to learn the meaning of marriage in Islam, before u comment like u know all about it. dont make people see u using your toe instead of brain and facts.
thanks

Kahuna said...

i don't get how you bring in religion in this discussion, and use it to belittle other people's intelligence.

this is not about Islam. This is about Malay men and their habits. Islam is perfect the way it is, but Malay men are NOT perfect, which is why this article is written.

If I followed your advice and read about marriage in Islam, would I understand why some Malay men love enslaving their own wives? No, because there's no link between the two.

Calling people stupid when you yourself have the IQ of a kettle makes you look even dumber.

jimah said...

perghh..gila sarcastic..

That'll explain why highly educated-smart-independant girls out there chose to get married in their later age and chose men with lower education level with lower income.

It's so that we can overpower them. Ha!

Anonymous said...

if it is not about religion imperfection ( like u claim ) i think it is better u write "It's good to be SOME Malay man", at least it is a safe bet
thank you

Anonymous said...

to the very funny is when you guys talk more funnier and sarcastic.. cant bring religion or tradition or whatever in a discussion, yup you should not talk bout religion/tradition or so whatever..when your mind is empty or simply said. .know nothing..

like a a TONG SAMPAH BULAT that is empty, u upside down it so many times.. OMG so loud and irritating..yeahh thats you man :D but rather poeple bringing up issues( like guy at 12 am, you the man :D, and the owner of the blog ) when they have a fully idea and understanding it so much, its good for them to talk, again saying peoples ideas are jerk but give merit to your own comment.. an IQ of soda perhaps.. lolz u know how sodas were made?

commenters are so fast to comment, but so slow in thinking, or is it "you" i was saying? who is "you" , you know? xD

* im not being sarcastic.. becoz i am :P

Anonymous said...

If we treat any person in life with less value then we treat our selfs we hurt not only them but our selfs and generations to come .I be leave in my heart there is no great gift then the bond between man and woman my wife is my equal thou at times Im sorry to say I have not given her just due .

Anonymous said...

OWWW YASSSS ! I FEEL SO REFRESHED AFTER READING THIS ENTRY . I WISH EVERY SINGLE MALAY MAN WILL READ THIS EVENTHO I'M MALAY TOO